God always has a way of taking our spirits from the physical strain of this world though our bodies remain in the thick of it. I often see this phenomenon through comparison. I remind myself of how thankful I ought to be because I have this and this or because I don’t have this or that. 
            Why does God have to keep returning me to this same state of brokenness for me to wake up and see him, for him. To stop seeing him through the shallow, narrow lens of my short-lived American life, but to see him as the God who created all things in and through him and gives live to all. In the midst of it all I am angry. I am angry that I keep missing who He is and the gifts He constantly longs to bestow on me. And yet I am so incredibly humbled. I am humbled by the words, prayers, and sweet touches of the loved ones around me that have held me up through this season of life. The more I see these arms of loves and hear these words of comfort I am humbled in realizing they are truly the words of my God spoken unto me. The way my Jesus gave up his kingship, his glory, his comfort, his reputation, his everything…for me. For me to know him and experience life with him. And that I wouldn’t keep it to myself, but would share it with everyone around me.

            “There is an epidemic of spiritual amnesia going around, and none of us is immune. No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget.
            Most of us know that we are supposed to love and fear God; that we are supposed to read our Bibles and pray so that we can get to know Him better; that we are supposed to worship Him with our lives. But actually living it out is challenging.
            It confuses us when loving God is hard. Shouldn't it be easy to love a God so wonderful? When we love God because we feel we should love Him, instead of genuinely loving out of our true selves, we have forgotten who God really is. Our amnesia is flaring up again.
            It may sound "un-Christian" to say that on some mornings I don't feel like loving God, or I just forget to. But I do. In our world, where hundreds of things distract us from God, we have to intentionally and consistently remind ourselves of Him.”
                                                                                                   -Crazy Love by Francis Chan

            I don’t want to forget about His love anymore. I don’t want to be so busy, stressed, overwhelmed, sick, needy, anything as an excuse to miss the smallest signs of his love and glimpses of his glory. This season of spiritual amnesia will change and I pray God teaches my heart to change and heal as he teaches my physical body to change and heal. I know I will forget and I know sometimes I will wake up and won’t want to love God, but in the last three months I have seen and experienced His grace more than I have in years, and I don’t want that to end here.

            This is just the beginning.

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