and always

A couple of days ago my boyfriend asked me, "What is your aim for the next two months?" His one simple question spoke of the multitudes of dreams, thoughts, desires, goals, and plans running through my mind.

            Not to long ago I become enthralled by Paul`s words in Philippians 3, and his beautiful desire and dream spoken through his, "one thing, one aim." And yet being reminded today through circumstances and the word, Jesus has taught me another beautiful lesson...

Philippians 3:12-14 Amplified Bible

"Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus has laid hold of me and made me His own.
    I do not consider, brothers, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
    I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward."

Paul knows his one aim. This was, is, and I pray remains also, my one aim. But when I was asked what is your aim for the next two months I realize that this aim is played out into so many small aims, or goals in my life. 

This morning it was hard to pray. There were too many things on my mind. There was too much pain and heartache I have been pushing under the rug. There was too many responsibilities I was failing to carry. It was just too much. I told Jesus it was, and that I needed his help and his grace. That I can`t do this life on my own. I need to tell him that every day, to just tell him how much I need him, and allow myself to realize it more each day. 

After a long a dreary day played out through work and rainy sleet and cold weather...his words of grace came to me through Streams in the Desert.

“But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ . . . and hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus” (Eph. 2:4-6).

          This is our rightful place, to be “seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus,” and to “sit still” there. But how few there are who make it their actual experience! How few, indeed think even that it is possible for them to “sit still” in these “heavenly places” in the everyday life of a world so full of turmoil as this.
We may believe perhaps that to pay a little visit to these heavenly places on Sundays, or now and then in times of spiritual exaltation, may be within the range of possibility; but to be actually “seated” there every day and all day long is altogether another matter; and yet it is very plain that it is for Sundays and week-days as well.
A quiet spirit is of inestimable value in carrying on outward activities; and nothing so hinders the working of the hidden spiritual forces, upon which, after all, our success in everything really depends, as a spirit of unrest and anxiety.
There is immense power in stillness. A great saint once said, “All things come to him who knows how to trust and be silent.” The words are pregnant with meaning. A knowledge of this fact would immensely change our ways of working. Instead of restless struggles, we would “sit down” inwardly before the Lord, and would let the Divine forces of His Spirit work out in silence the ends to which we aspire. You may not see or feel the operations of this silent force, but be assured it is always working mightily, and will work for you, if you only get your spirit still enough to be carried along by the currents of its power. –Hannah Whitall Smith

It is your business to learn to be peaceful and safe in God in every situation.

When I wanted to answer that question: What is my aim for the next two months? My mind immediately wanted to list off all the "things" I want to do: finish another semester of school-well, learn German, make more time and effort in my relationships with my roommates and internationals, serve in my church more, start and finish a bible study with an older mentor,  use my gifts to serve more, find a job that I enjoy and can allow me to speak truth to unbelievers and love them well. 

And yet I stopped. My mind was paralyzed as my heart said, "Lesley...what are all these "things" you want to do." No, they aren`t bad, or wrong, or useless, or vain. But what are they...are they my "things" or the Lord`s "things."

After taking three days to think about that question and hear the Lord speak to me...I know that my aim for the next two months is summed up through that streams passage from today. I want to learn to sit and walk and run and sleep and fall and sprint...aside Jesus. I want to learn to let the struggles quiet and humble my heart and my brokenness instead of fighting against them and creating in myself more hurt, more fears, more anxieties. 

I aim to learn to trust that he is enough, that he fulfills my every need and desire and he loves doing so. I aim to learn to 'sit down' inwardly before him and allow the Spirit to work out in silence the ends to which I am aspiring. The Lord knows my thoughts: he knows what I long for, dream of, pray and plead over. And he takes all that into consideration as my soul 'sits down' and aims to trust him. To wait on his timing. To rest in his providence. And for me, the big factor is: even when I don`t see or feel the operations of his silent force. Yet through the word and his promises I am to be assured it is always working mightily, and will work for me, if I will only be still and let him carry me. 

Und ich werde beten Sie, Herr
Nur Du, Herr
Und ich werde mich beugen vor Sie
Only You Herrn

Nehmen Sie meinen Bund, nimm meine Angst
Alles, was ich, habe ich hier bin verlassen
Seien Sie alle meine Hoffnungen, alle meine Träume werden
Du bist meine Freuden, meine alles sein

Und es gibt nur dich und mich jetzt hier
Nur du und ich jetzt hier

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