He Fills Me

             Many days I come home, work is over and stillness hits me like a brick wall. I feel so empty. What did I even do today? Did anything I said affect eternity? Did anything I do have purpose or meaning? And with questions left unanswered I am weary of entering into tomorrow...

             Yet today like nearly every day, Christ met me in this place of emptiness in John 2:1-11 where Christ performs his first miracle, filling empty vessels with wine at the wedding in cana. Fitting story first off because so many people are getting married around me right now that I often want to close off the world and not have to see it anymore, selfish, I know. Second off because of my lingering emptiness which seems to hit once the crazy busy of life finally slows down if even for a minute, even for an hour.

"Jesus ordered the servants, “Fill the pots with water.” And they filled them to the brim.“Now fill your pitchers and take them to the host,” Jesus said, and they did."

       There are these vacuums within me sucking up whatever they can get to "feel" filled. Yet this human instinct is only a ticking time bomb until we self-destruct and feel more empty than we did at the start of things. So today I admitted today, all the areas in my life where I feel completely empty and therefore worthless. In my job, in my friendships, in my education, in my love life (or lack of), in my christian fellowship, in my good works, in my faithlessness...

      And after getting it all out, in detail, I instantly felt this sigh of relief. He already knew all of those things. I could practically hear him saying, thank you for finally coming to me with these worries and concerns and feelings. "He is the only one who will never be frightened by the depth of my needs!" wow that quote hit me head on today. He is so anxious and so willing to fill me up, overflowing with the things I need to be fruitful for Him, if only I will go to him, if only I will admit my lack of power and strength and self sufficiency. 

      He satisfies my longing for true love and marriage. He satisfies my longing to feel needed and wanted. He satisfies my need to have a purpose and meaning each and every day of my life. He satisfies all my longings and hungers and he continues to give me even more good than what I even sought after. 

       So how do I even begin to end these rantings... I guess by saying that tomorrow is another day and I have to start all over to admit my emptiness and my needs before the Lord and to trust and allow him to fully fill those needs and that emptiness. 

       Christ fills empty vessels. 

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