I have become quite obsessed lately with my calendars and sticky notes. I have my school calendar, work calendar, care-taker calendar, Parker calendar, church/bible study/hauskreis calendar, friend calendar, and then within I have my sticky notes which remind me of all the small and specific things I have to do each day so I don`t forget or overlook anything.
My school work is important and my grades even more, so its easy for me to make time and force time to keep organized and on top of things and not let anything slide by unnoticed. My work is extremely important not because it pays the bills but because my patients are dependent upon me to show up, be there physically, be there emotionally, and be there spiritually. Parker is my comfort on many days when I feel alone and so of course caring for him comes naturally but after surgery last week and a cat attack this week he has started to work up his own scheduling needs. My friends deserve to be cared about, listened to, and loved even with my insane schedule and so they are written in so that I do not neglect to show them and tell them how much they mean to me. My bible study and house group and church keep me going and are my encouragers and prayer warriors without them I woudn`t survive my crazy life.
So where is God`s calendar. Where are all the sticky notes reminding me to stop and thank him. To look up at the sky and praise him. To die to myself, my worries, my cares that are so trivial and so temporary in light of eternity.
These notes and calendars which have kept me going have also kept me from being dependent upon HIM.
The stronger I am bound to Christ the stronger I am dead to sin.
The stronger I am bound to sin the stronger I am dead to Christ.
I keep finding my mind asking Lesley why are you so stubborn? Lesley why were you just so hateful to your friend? Lesley why were you just so short with your patient? I keep blaming my attitude and my hatefulness on my business and it just simply isn`t true. Yes maybe it adds to my irritability and anxiety but it is not the source.
Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law.
Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace. -Romans 6:14
"...and have put on the new self,which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." Colossians 3:10
The more I know my Jesus the more my new self is put into action. In the knowledge in the image of its Creator! I am nothing apart from the grace of Jesus. Nothing but a selfish, independent, irritable, brat.
Oh thank you Lord that you forgive. Thank you that you bring healing to my wounds. Thank you that you forgive those words I uttered hurting those around me.
Today my list is to die to myself and live to Christ! Lord I need you, I need the knowledge and the presence and the fruits of the Spirit.