After finishing reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan I am yearning-what seems like every second-for more of God and more of the Holy Spirit in my life. With every single turn of a page the book left me convicted and desiring more. And I am. More than anything I was convicted about my motives. Over and over Chan brought up this issue of our heart`s motive. Why do I want more of the Spirit? Why do I even care that I am full of peace, joy, patience? So my life will be easier? So people will love and boast about me? Wrong answers. The only answer is and can be: for the glory of God. If there is any other reason than more of the Spirit will never come, God won`t answer prideful requests. It makes so much sense. Yet it is so hard to gauge that as being completely true in my life all the time. Thinking and praying about this as being true in my life reminded me of a very beautiful story. The story of Leah Rebecca coming to know Christ.
Of course I am talking about the beauty of her realizing how incredibly out of control and full of hurt her "very controlled and mundane" life was, and in that realizing her desperate need for a Savior and giving her life completely into the hands of a loving and gracious God. And not only that, but now Leah has gone on to learn and be changed through sanctification and the glory of God radiates through her life and relationships today, like it never did before. One of my favorite things Leah always told me as the Holy Spirit began to call her into relationship with God and she was still seeking was, "I don`t want to just believe this because you and Laura do. I want to know, really know, for myself that christianity is Truth." It was such a beautiful thing hearing her say that. It reminded me every day that her salvation had nothing to do with me. Literally. Every step was between her and God, and God merely used Laura and I to point her in the right direction.
A couple of months after Leah committed her life to Christ we were talking one night. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were sitting in her room talking about how she came to know the Lord and how many "random" things were all pointing her to Christ. She was literally "surrounded by a cloud of witnesses each day." (Hebrews 12:1) There were Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) kids in her studio, christian philosophy discussions in her classes, Laura right down the hallway, our crazy, amazing, christian RA, Marissa, and the list goes on. It was so amazing that night sitting there, being so humbled in God honing the realization that He was going to get to Leah`s heart, no matter who He used or didn`t use.
This lesson still today remains beautiful and vital to me. God is God. He is so sovereign and in control we will never comprehend it on earth. But what we know that scripture tells us as we walk in the Spirit, living by the Spirit, He allows us to partake in kingdom work. He allows us to be refined and sanctified by his will being carried out in the lives of others. Being along Leah`s journey has taught me so many things. I know that it is the sole reason God called me to Virginia Tech for 1 year. And I would never ever want to change that decision. I would never want to miss any of the things that I learned and experienced just through knowing and growing with Leah. So today, once again, the Lord used this story and experience to hone humility into my life. It is so amazing because of course, it came at the perfect time. I know that in seeking more of God and the Holy Spirit I have to pray for and be more humble. This whole thing, this whole walk with God and relationship, its all about Him. About losing myself in bringing him praise.