Life in Between
"According to John`s gospel, the public ministry of Jesus lasted only three years. Foucauld wondered, What did he do the other thirty? The answer he found was that Jesus spent that time in manual labor and prayer...their goal was to shout the gospel not so much with their mouths as with their lives."
"The cross Jesus asked you to carry is yourself. It`s all the pain inflicted on you in your past and all the pain you`ve inflicted upon others."
-All is Grace by Brennan Manning
In my most recent days of blogging I tend to only mention the highlights: the fun, adventurous points in my life with pictures and great stories. I neglect to really ever talk about the in between. A couple of days ago a coworker brought in the poster board she displayed at her husbands funeral last year when he died unexpectedly.
It was an arrangement of beautiful photos from their wedding day, travels together, stepping stones for their daughter, and other meaningful moments in their marriage. She drew quiet and I could tell she was thinking. Then she spoke: sometimes I wish you could trace all those moments in between (as she moved between photos with her finger) all the times of heartache, tears, and depression. And then she thought silently to herself again before she said: but I guess that`s the point, those moments are not what matter, not what is to be dwelt on. And then I told her, yea, but the in between isn`t all bad. What about those funny jokes he said? Or the adorable things your daughter wore? What if we really could remember all the good, and let it outweigh the bad? I am thankful today that God helps us to forget the bad. I am thankful that he restores even memories. But memories is a topic for another blog post!
Today I want to talk about the in between. About the hours each day I spend at work, getting paid to serve people! What a blessing. About the long walks each day with Parker. About the moments spent over Starbucks dates and breakfast. About the time in the car in between, able to worship the Lord through incredible worship CD`s made by my sweet roommate. About the showers each night that cleanse all the external filth off of my body and remind me that God is doing that internally day by day. About the classes I am taking where I am discovering my creative side through Art and dreaming of being healthier in learning about nutrition. About the German I am studying and how I wish I had more Germans to speak with. About trips to the grocery store and gas station and all those people I see in between. About the movie nights with friends and cleaning sprees that free my mind.
I want to see even more today, how the life in between, is being used by God to make me into something beautiful... and promise I fear I will never really believe. God, making me into something good? Impossible, unlikely, unworthy.
He is using these moments in between of manual labor and more time meeting him in prayer to prepare me for whatever lies ahead. I have big dreams, big hopes, more than the average person... and I know that there is some reason why God has placed those within my heart.
I have passions and desires to see beauty restored in broken places. I am seeing that at work, even today. God is using an amputation to restore a marriage. God is using the work of healing others to heal myself and other co workers around me. And yet I keep dreaming for more, keep hoping for more. I am anxious with excitement to see what God will do next...
I am learning through life in between, what it means to carry my own cross, and to not carry the ones of all those around me. In learning to carry my own, I am learning to help others carry them themselves.