For what do I wait? I hope in you Lord

"Nevertheless, afterwards..."
For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful;
but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
 -Hebrews 12:11

         There are often seasons of life, seemingly filled to the brim with death. We struggle to remember all the scriptures speaking of the Lord's love in disciplining us, his children. We struggle to remember all of his words of the hope, security, sanctification, and faithfulness that will result from these seasons of death.
        Through watching this fall season I have been only filled with doubt, lies, pressures, insecurities, and fears. Yet today, in this seasons I am finally seeing hope, seeing grace, seeing truth. I look at those fall trees and used to think, " Lord when will those leaves just fall already, so we can move on with winter and see the life of spring!" It sounds stupid, but I have often found myself thinking those thoughts about my life. "Lord when will I just give up these little pieces of my heart that I won't let you have. I see how the rest of me is ready to move on, ready for the fruit of righteousness, yet there are these leaves that I simply won't let go of...
        And all the while you are waiting, patiently, to take those hurts and heartaches and bury them in your blood, so you can deliver new life to this broken life. For what do I wait? You are my hope. (Psalm 39:7) Lord help me to not simply see these truths, but to let them take root in my life. Help me give you these leaves of doubt, lies, self-worth, self-image, insecurity, fear, greed, me give you this death, so you can bury it in its rightful place, FOR YOU HAVE OVERCOME THE GRAVE, and bring new life.
       Thank you for loving me enough Jesus, to discipline me. Thank you for loving me enough to not forget or forsake me in my weaknesses and doubt, but to hear my prayers and carry me through. Help me believe that you can carry me through, and you will. Help me rely on faith in hope, knowing that these struggle won't end in this life. But in you, there is hope in eternal life.

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