Being a Mrs
For the last several years of my life I had given up on the idea or the dream of ever getting married. You see I had walked through heartbreak with my heart left barely beating and I began to believe in the lie that keeping my heart locked away was my only guarantee from getting hurt again. So I went through life with my heart locked away and unable to be touched by anyone. I let a lot of friendships slip away and I avoided community because I didn’t know how to open up about anything. My horse and my dog were really the only “friends” I had.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace. (Eph 2:4)
But God didn’t give up on me. He continued to show up in friends reaching out, my family’s constant texts and calls checking up on me, my doctor who’s expertise guided me every step. He showed up in so many rainbows.
Then one summer he brought a guy. Not a guy to fall in love with. Not a guy to complete my heart and make my whole. A guy who would remind me who I was, His. A guy who would give me the courage to walk back through the doors of a church. A guy who would pray with me before every meal and tell me every time I doubted that God is good, ALL of the time.
I always thought that I had to have my faith all put together and perfect before I could fall in love. But God reminded me that his great love, rich in mercy, makes us alive when we are dead in sin. Now it seems he is using this marriage to perfect me. And I cannot thank Serg enough for his patience and love in every step.