You weigh this heart

It has been almost a week and the burden hasn`t lightened. My eyes cry for the souls of the lost. My heart burns for the sake of your glory. The struggle has only grown tenser. "How much do you have to hate someone to not tell them about the best thing they could ever know?"

            But Christ your truth is the same. It still revives me, rebukes me, teaches me, and molds me.

            You are the same. You still hold me, push me, encourage me, and pursue me.

My focus is remaining. Christ I will wait on you, I will wait for you, and only you. I don’t want to settle for second best. I pray my passions and desires will indeed rise up from the fountain of my soul, and that is you and you alone. And as I keep hearing these words pressing on my heart, I will not buckle. I will not slip from under the hardness, but I will endure, like a soldier of the gospel. “Christ your cross is the way to your crown.” –William Penn. “The iron of suffering and endurance is set within the gold of glory and of beauty” (2 Tim 2:12) -Amy Carmichael. Keep breaking down my walls of pride and selfishness. Keep revealing real and life-changing truth to this heart full of depravity. Set me free Christ Jesus, free to be made famous for your sake, for your name, for your glory alone.

These verses are the conviction and cry of my heart today Lord Jesus…

“If you faint in the day of adversity,

            your strength is small.

 Rescue those who are being taken away to death;

            hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.

 If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,”

            does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?

Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,

            and will he not repay man according to his work?”

             (Proverbs 24:10-12 ESV)

            Test my heart Christ and refine the junk that is left. You weigh my heart, you really do know me God, I am known by you. Prevent this soul from returning back to the life of the flesh, which destroys and strangles joy and righteousness.

“But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?” (Galatians 4:9 ESV)

            You know me, and I know you. As I know you more and more, become my fountain. Lord Jesus be my one and only foundation and make every thought, intention, word, deed, be a reflection of that inner foundation.

“Who is at the bottom of your joy? You? Or God?” –John Piper Passion 2011

            Be the bottom and source of my joy. Christ kill me, “I die everyday!” –Paul. Today I chose to die to my fears and let you have your way in me Lord Jesus. To really use me to reach the lost, amidst all my fears and failures. I surrender to you.